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"I
loved him! Ellen, as as no words can explain."
After
learning the sad news of Charles’s departure for Australia Ellen
sat up late talking to her friend Rose-Anne. First Rose-Anne told her the
tale of a woman who was distraught when
she lost the love of her only brother to another sister. The she
confided in Ellen her
own sadness at the loss of the love of her own brother, who she felt she
loved so much God in his Mercy took his love from me."
Ellen’s
Diary, Friday 28th December 1838
“She told me, oh! Such a miserable case of a brother and two sisters, one
older and the other younger than him_I shall call the man Henry, the oldest
sister Elizabeth and the youngest Emilie. Elizabeth had been away from homes for a long time and Henry
and Emilie were every thing to each other.
Their dispositions being much alike, they loved each other with a
devotion not often distinguished_But Elizabeth returned_Still, Henry, tho’ he
loved his eldest sister retained all her ardent affection for Emilie_He was,
however, taken ill with an infectious disease which Elizabeth had had but Emilie
had not. The latter was not allowed
to see him, while Elizabeth
nursed him with the most affectionate care_He recovered, but all his ardent
love was transferred from Emilie to Elizabeth_so much that when one of their
cousins returned after his recovery, poor Emilie threw her arms around his neck
and bursting into tears exclaimed “Oh! I am so glad you are come for now I
shall have someone to love_”
Her
friend continues to tell Ellen of her own heartache concerning her much loved
brother:
“…a young lady who had one
brother whom she loved so much that…I am sure that sister will die if his love
for me will grow cold_She said to me “I loved him! Ellen, as as no words can
explain. I did not care if he spoke
to me, it did not signify if he did not even look at me.
It was enough for me to look at him and for him to speak to others_and
oh! The blank I felt when he left the room and when he did speak to me and
lifted me, oh! No one, I am sure, so one who has not felt it can imagine how my
heart beat with joy_the quite joy too I felt
when sitting with him, my hand locked in his.
But,
oh”, she continued, passing her hand rapidly across her brow while tears
coursed
Each
other quickly down her cheeks, “Oh! The love he bore for me has grown cold and
lifeless, and tho’ I cannot cease to love him, the heart that now beats but
languidly_Thank God it did not come as a shock.
Oh yes! I think it would have killed me. So gradually and surely I saw
his love slip away into another channel and how did I feel – oh, bitterly.
But Ellen I felt that I had loved him too much, that I had made an idiot
of him and God in mercy took his love from me."
Ellen
empathised with these strong emotions.
“This story and the almost
wild manner in which it was told made a deep impression on me_I can conceive no
feeling so desolate, so heart breaking, as the loss of your dearest brothers
love…”
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